In part I, we looked at the pros of staying married for the sake of your children; now, let’s take a look at the cons.
1. You want to stay married so your children can have an intact family; but both of you cannot live peacefully under one roof; you cannot be civil to each other; you fight with each other more often than not, accompanied with a lot of shouting and probably with cursing as well as names calling. So instead of providing a normal family with both parents for your children, you continue to create a violent environment full of tensions and anger for them to live in. If both of you prefer a cold war between each other, the results are still the same for your children; they still live in an unloving environment filled with tensions and coldness. So staying married not only does not bring about the outcome that you aim for, but also put your children in a living situation worse than if you are divorced.
2. Yes, financially, it is better to stay married than to get divorced; however, most of the time money cannot make up for the lack of harmony, peace, and love within the family; and your children will not be happy regardless of how many material things they can have. We all know that but we continue to assume that they are fine as long as their future is secured financially, even though their parents cannot hide the fact that they are at war with each other more often than not.
3. There is no deny that financially it will be hard for you if you get divorced; you have to earn a living for yourself and your children if your husband is not rich and you do not get a good settlement. You cannot spend as much time as you want with your children; but if you focus on giving them love and attention, then the time you spend with them will suffice to give them contentment; even though it is not as much time as when you stay married and do not have to work; that also goes for your husband.
4. If your husband is a good and loving father, you will not have a hard time to ask him to help you out with your children when you need help even if you are divorced. If he is not, it does not make any difference if you stay married or get divorced; because he probably does not help you one way or another.
5. It takes some willingness and a little time to inform each other about your children’s deed to make sure that both of you agree on the discipline that is for your children’s sake. They will not have any reason to resent either one of you; and if they do, it will be toward both of you; if that is the case then it does not make any difference if you stay married or not.
6. They will not feel guilty if both of you keep reassuring them that it is no fault of theirs that you get divorce; and enforcing that with your actions and attitudes to show them your love and care for them. As long as they feel both of your love and care for them, they will grow up just fine no matter if you are married or divorced.
Mainly, the con for staying married for the children’s sake is they will live in an unhealthy, volatile, lack of love and harmony environment if both of you cannot live together amicably or at least civilly; and it will be much worse for them if one or both of you have an affair on the side.
Generally, those are the pros and the cons of staying married for your children’s sake. However, each family will have its own pros and cons to consider; and hopefully, you will choose the right decision for the sake of your children.
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